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What drains you?

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -1100

Are you full of energy right now or do you feel drained? Are you aware of what drains you? How can change those things to allow you to live with more energy.

Common energy drains include:

broken things around the house - light globes that need replacing, the cord on the blinds that isn't working
jobs that need doing - piles of folded washing to be put away, last years tax return, getting your car services
relationships - friendships, family, colleagues or partners who are taking more energy than they give back
Money - bills you haven't paid, money that someone owes you

Many of these things seem trivial in themselves but once you have a few in place they really start to consume energy as you go through your day to day activities. Mentally you keep thinking "I must do something about that" but when you don't actually take action those thoughts just become a drain.

How do you turn this around?

Firstly, identify everything in your life that is draining ... write it down.
Then pick 3 things on this list that would actually be very easy to tick off and do those first. Getting a few things off the list will really give you a boost.
Then select something that will make a really significant difference to your energy and tackle this next. The energy boost gained from the first 3 things will help you jump into something bigger.
Keep going! Pick a timeline that works for you to keep ticking things off and enjoy the new energy it brings.

What do you want 2012 to be?

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -1100

So here we are on the last day of 2011, I suppose I should be writing about how to set amazing goals for the year to come or how to make resolutions that will last more than the coming week ... but I won't.

For me the new year is a wonderful time to reflect and re-energise but personally I prefer to create a vision or intention for the year to come that will in turn inspire the goals I set as my year unfolds. My vision becomes my measuring stick during the year and I love how unexpected some of the ways I fulfill my vision are.

What do I want my 2012 to be about?

Laughter: joy, free spirited, lightness
Adventure: travel, camping, new places, adrenalin
Friendships: old, new, rewarding, connection
Boldness: dream big, act big, be big
Tranquility: calm, centered, meditate, yoga
Family: love, support, connect, laughter

What about you ... what would you like your 2012 to be about?

Linda x

Focus on what you can control

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 00:00:00 -1100

It is easy in life to feel pushed and pulled by events and circumstances around you.

It is easy to worry about the outcomes, to wonder how it will all turn out. It is easy to invest a lot of emotional energy into things which you have no control over whatsoever and the end result of that is you feel tired and drained and absolutely nothing changes.

When you feel yourself being swept along and focusing too much energy on things that are beyond your control it is important to stop and consider ... what things DO you still have control of.

Pick 2 or 3 things and commit to diverting your energy there instead of where you have no control. Commit to making a difference to the things in life that you can change.

Everything else will take care of itself ... even without you worrying about it.

Try it this week ... let me know what happens ...

Linda x

Is it a challenge to live in the moment?

Tue, 02 Aug 2011 00:00:00 -1100

You have probably heard the phrase "live in the moment". Essentially it is about creating awareness about what you are experiencing RIGHT NOW and being connected fully to that experience ... not thinking about something that happened yesterday, last week or even something that needs doing tonight.

Why would you want to live more in the moment? If you spend a large amount of time thinking about things that happened in the past or things that might be happening in the future you are not enjoying or appreciating what is happening right now. This leads to a less fulfilling experience of your life. I always say 'life is for living' so surely it is better to live in this moment?

This past week, however, I have really struggled to live in the moment. My thoughts have been far too consumed with future events and it has really impacted how I have felt this week. You see I am now halfway though a 2 year stint living interstate and I am already having to think about the logistics of moving home next year ... mostly prompted by the need to place my children on the waitlist of childcare centres.

This should be nothing more than a logistical step to tick off and then forget about but instead I find my mind busy with thoughts like:

what date should I tell them I need care from? I am not 100% sure when we will be back
what if I can't get care? How will I work?
what if I can only get care for my baby?
how many waitlists should I pay to be on?
blah blah blah

I ask these questions multiple times a day without actually having answers which simply results in a very distracted mind and ensures that I am really not connected to what is happening RIGHT NOW.

So how will I address this?

Step 1 - remind myself to breathe deeply

Step 2 - remind myself that going around in this mental circle will not solve anything and in fact there may be nothing to solve. Perhaps it will all fall into place just as it needs to, when the time comes.

Step 3 - pick a small part of my current day to draw my focus to and if my mind wanders simply remind myself to come back to the moment ... whatever it might be.

Do you find it challenging to live in the moment?

Do you act with integrity?

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 00:00:00 -1100

Last week I was an observer on a very interesting conversation in an online chat room. It was run by a professional organisation announcing award finalists in their annual national award program.

There were about 130 people attending the chatroom (which made facilitating conference calls seem like a piece of cake!) who were all very excited to hear the finalist being revealed. The announcement of "major" award finalists went as expected with lots of virtual clapping but it was when the "minor" award lists were announced that the event became ... hmmm ... well ... interesting ...

The "finalists" of these categories received automatic status simply by submitting a nomination form and would now be voted on by the public to select a winner. Immediately the chat room went into an unanticipated typing frenzy with the range of comments being things like:

I would feel like a fraud saying I am a finalist when I wasn't actually "chosen"
Why did we bother to fill in a lengthy application form if we were all going to be 'finalists'?
Who cares? it is great to have this opportunity anyway!
I feel like a someone in a fun run who gets a completion sticker ... not a finalist

and this went on ... and on ... and on ... with little space for the facilitator to interject and regain control of the conversation or explain the decision.

I happen to know this company is one of great integrity so what went wrong? Why did so many people feel upset and mislead?

It came to down to communication, expectations and lack of transparency.

Apparently last year a lot of people were disappointed not to be a finalist in the minor categories after working so hard on submissions so the organisers decided to change the approach this year and accept everyone. Sounds like a great gesture except that they did not, at any point prior to formal announcements, communicate this change. So then this backfired as people worked hard on their submissions and then felt unappreciated and let down when their hard work meant nothing to the outcome.

Integrity is more than having your heart in the right place. Integrity is also about being open, transparent and mindful that other people may not view the world the same way you do.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? How did you resolve the situation with integrity?

Linda x

Creative Abilities

Fri, 24 Jun 2011 00:00:00 -1100

I was having a discussion with some friends today about really allowing our creative side to be expressed through a vision we are passionate about. As a child I grew up thinking I wasn’t creative – I was the “sporty one”, my sister was the “creative one”. For many years I limited my creative abilities with that one thought.

However, I have come to understand that we all have the creative ability and the way we each express it is very different. Some express it through their work, through the arts, or even just in the way they live. What is more important is that we are creative in an area that we are passionate about, that we have some vision around.

One of the things that stops many of us creatively expressing ourselves is the judgement about what we create. This is the time to be playful and joyful…accept we will create some things that not everyone will like…in fact, at times we may not even like it. But it is part of a bigger process that brings us closer to our true self.

There’s a lot of times when we read a blog and think “That’s nice. I should do that sometime”. Today we challenge you…if this resonates with you set aside some time to think about what really brings you joy and what you’d like to create from it. And share it with us…we’d love to hear what sparks up for you.

Margit

How to choose a Life Coach

Mon, 13 Jun 2011 00:00:00 -1100

Linda did you know that coaching is an unregulated industry? Essentially this means that anyone can say they are a Life Coach! They don't need to have qualifications, training, or experience. This means if you want to work with a Life Coach you should do some homework and not assume that every coach you speak to is going to be a good coach to work with.

Here are 5 tips to help you choose a coach:

1. Ask about training and experience

The range of training available for coaches is enormous both in terms of time involved and quality. Ask questions about your coaches training and experience. A good resource is the International Coach Federation which will list coaches with independent qualifications as well as accredited coach training schools.

2. Ask to speak to a previous client

Testimonials on a website are great to read but don't be afraid to ask to speak directly to an existing or previous client to really get an understanding of what a coach is like to work with. Although not all of my clients would wish to discuss the fact that they have a coach many would so I imagine the same to be true for any other coach.

3. Speak to more than one coach

Even if you really like the first coach you speak with it is a good idea to speak to at least one more. This will help you be 100% certain of your choice and may even open up new ideas about what kind of coach will suit you best.

4. Ask how the sessions will work

All coaches have different ways of working, different approaches
and different structures to the journey they take with a client. This does not make one right and one wrong ... just different. Discuss this with your potential coach and make sure their approach meets your expectations.

5. Make sure you have a good rapport

For me this is one of the most important elements when choosing a coach. It doesn't matter how skilled or experienced a coach is ... if you don't feel a great rapport with them the relationship won't work. Coaching is built on trust so don't compromise on a great connection with your coach.

When to Surrender

Tue, 17 May 2011 00:00:00 -1100

I have been thinking a lot recently about the concept of "surrender". I think that we often view surrender as another word for "give up" and perhaps even "to fail".
However, the act of surrender if often a key step in the path to happiness and making progress towards a desired outcome.

Have you ever experienced a situation in life where the harder you tried to make something happen the harder the journey became? The harder you tried the more friction there appeared to be? This is a perfect time to practice surrender.

As I thought about how to describe what surrender means to me I found the following explanation online:

"You swim in water -- you go to the river and swim. What do you do? You trust water. A good swimmer trusts so much that he almost becomes one with the river. He is not fighting, he does not grab the water, he is not stiff and tense. If you are stiff and tense you will be drowned; if you are relaxed the river takes care.

Surrender means to live the same way in life as a good swimmer swims in the river. Life is a river. Either you can fight or you can float; either you can push the river and try to go against the current or you can float with the river and go wherever the river leads you."taken from www.sannyasworld.com

Sometimes we can't change the flow of life, no matter how hard we try ... this is not a reflection of our capabilities. Instead of fighting against the current of our life it is easier and more effective to flow with it. This does not mean "give up" though ... it simply means to trust the path you are on and be open to the possibilities that arise.

So how does this apply to me right now?

Well, my second daughter is almost 6 months old now and I had planned to start her in childcare 2 days a week from the start of June to allow me to resume coaching clients. This was what happened after the birth of my first child and it worked perfectly. There is just one hiccup ... my baby is STILL refusing to drink from a bottle, even though it is expressed milk, so this means she is fully dependant on my presence during the day. I have been fighting with this for almost 3 months now, almost every day trying to get her to take a small drink with the bottle. Some days we seem to make progress but overall the result is still "NO BOTTLE".

In this past week I have finally come to a place of surrender ... it will just be what it will be, I can't make this happen any faster and I will just have to adjust my own professional expectations to match what is really happening.

Perhaps she will start taking a bottle soon. Perhaps she never will but in a few more months she may happily drink from a cup, or perhaps it will be another 6 months before I am free to coach clients again. It will just be what it will be and I need to start floating on my river instead of fighting it ...

Do you need to surrender?

Accountability Week!

Mon, 09 May 2011 00:00:00 -1100

I am in love with accountability this week!

I know ... as a coach of course I am going to say that ... keeping people accountable is part of my job. Having a coach is only one example of an effective accountability structure - there are plenty more.

What the big deal about accountability this week? Well, thanks to accountability in my life I am absolutely thriving ... moving forward on some really big business strategies, getting my fitness back on track and finding more time to do the fun things in my life. Did I mention ... I am in love with accountability this week?

Here are some examples of accountability that work for me:
•    Work with a coach
•    Have a buddy who is working on a similar goal (like getting fit)
•    Create a chart - track your progress visually
•    Create automatic reminders in my computer
•    Tell the world - nothing like public declaration to spur me into action
•    Join a group

What accountability structures work for you?

Linda x

Meditation - finding focussed calm

Mon, 02 May 2011 00:00:00 -1100

In recent months I have been using a type of meditation called "Yoga Nidra" to clear my mind and give me more energy whilst I juggle a new baby and work. Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation so I listen to mine on my ipod. I have always been keen to try more traditional style of meditation so have been looking into some simple approaches.

I came across this article written by my friend, Kate James who is a business coach, speaker and writer.

I hope you enjoy!

Linda x

Meditation is the most effective way to achieve a state of focused calm that will help you to be most creative, effective and productive person you can be.

What do we mean by focused calm, and how do you know when you’re in that state?
As well as being free from anxiety, intolerance, boredom, frustration and depression, focused calm means you have clarity about what’s important.

You have a clear understanding about what you need to do next and the ability to take control of your racing thoughts. You respond to things rather than reacting; you’re attentive in conversations and you have the ability to focus on the task at hand. You’re more creative, your memory is better and it takes a lot more for people to push your buttons.

Focused calm helps you to leave work at work and find a sense of stillness without needing to take two weeks’ holiday.

Of all the things you can do to create this state, meditation is by far the best. It’s not an instant fix so you’ll need to stick at it for at least three weeks to really feel the benefit, and then make the practice a part of your life. But from my personal experience, it’s well worth it.

A simple meditation practice
In an ideal world, you should practice meditation for 20 minutes, twice a day, every day. The reality is that most of us aren’t going to make that much time available. So begin by doing whatever you can. Even 10 minutes daily is enough to get started.

→ Find a quiet place to practise - it’s fine to sit at your desk or in your car – all you need is a place to sit comfortably where you won’t be disturbed.

→ Take the phone off the hook and have a watch or clock nearby so that you can check the time during your meditation.

Meditation uses an object of focus to help still the mind. A simple way to begin is to use a ‘mantra’ as your object of focus. The word ‘release’ is a good mantra to start with. Later you might like to explore more traditional Sanskrit mantras, but for now, the word ‘release’ will be fine.

→ Begin by closing your eyes and taking at least five slow, deep breaths, breathing in to the count of five; holding for the count of five and breathing out to the count of five. With each inward breath allow yourself to feel a sense of calm.

→ Let your shoulders drop and allow your body to begin to relax. With your outward breath, let go of any frustration and tension.

→ Breathe out any anger, fear, worry and any thoughts about work. This is the most challenging part for all meditators so don’t be put off if thoughts keep popping into your mind – this is completely normal.

Once your breathing has slowed, allow your mantra to come into your mind, not actively thinking about the meaning of the word.

→ Let go of any concerns that may arise about whether you are meditating properly. Try not to think about what meditation is supposed to feel like, simply allow the mantra to rise to your mind’s surface, clearing away other thoughts as it does.

The intention is not to seek ‘nothingness’ or a blank mind. When your mind begins to wander, gently direct it back to your mantra. When you’re distracted by something (such as a noise), ignore it and again, return your thoughts to your mantra.

It’s completely natural for your mind to wander so don’t judge yourself throughout your meditation. This is one thing you don’t need to be good at – just making the time to sit and focus on your meditation practice will benefit you.

When you know that 20 minutes is up (it’s ok to check a clock but best not to set an alarm), open your eyes and remain seated for a few minutes longer to allow your body and mind to return to alertness before returning to your normal activities. And remember…the real benefits of meditation will be felt after you’ve practiced for a few weeks, so don’t give up too quickly.

Summary
→ Find a quiet place to sit where you won’t be interrupted
→ Listen to your breathing and relax with each breath
→ Hear your mantra repeated in your mind
→ When your thoughts distract you, let them go and return your focus to your meditation
→ Don’t worry if you’re doing it right
→ Aim to meditate for twenty minutes, checking the time on a watch or clock
→ Take your time coming out of your meditation
→ Sit quietly at the completion of your meditation before resuming your activities

Kate James is a business coach, speaker and writer. She works with creative people in business to help them clarify their direction and feel confident of achieving their personal and professional objectives.

She also teaches a mainstream form of meditation and has a range of relaxation MP3s to download from www.totalbalance.com.au.