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a2a Inspirations>
The art of changing ourselves for the better
February 21, 2006
Hi! Jenny Mallos here again, sending you a few inspiring
words in Linda's absence. Enjoy!
‘You are the way you are because that’s the way you want to
be;
if you really wanted to be any different you would be in
the
process of changing right now.’
From ‘Wise Words for Sales People’
By Richard Denny
I don’t know about you but I found the quote above to be
very confronting. Having
said that, I also think it is absolutely true – perhaps a
truth not many of us would
be willing to admit or acknowledge. It seems that it’s much
easier to blame
everyone and everything else for our circumstances and
behaviours – our parents,
our partner (or lack of one), the kids, our job, the boss,
the government, the
system – rather than take responsibility for our lives.
I think a lot of us get unstuck around this issue because
we equate responsibility
with blame; but BLAME DOES NOT EQUAL RESPONSIBILITY.
Blaming creates pain
and embarrassment and separates us into ‘winners’ and
‘losers,’ ‘good’ and ‘bad.’
Responsibility on the other hand, has to do with our
ABILITY to RESPOND in any
given situation. So there is no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ camp;
there are only the
consequences of our thoughts and actions. In my mind, to be
responsible is to own
those consequences as something YOU, and only YOU, created.
So what about the opening quote? Is it really that simple?
Do we actually want to
stay the way we are, even if we complain long and loud
about it? What I do know is
that the only reason people continue to act a certain way,
even though they may
complain about it, is because there is a PAYOFF for them.
Is this wasn’t the case,
you would stop the behaviour pretty quickly.
Let’s consider someone who is forever whining about their
job but isn’t doing
anything to find another one. So what do you get for
whining? Firstly, you get to be
RIGHT! You are right about the hopeless people you work
with, how your boss is a
loser, how much ‘they’ make you work, how lousy the pay is
and on it goes. And
secondly, you get to avoid the responsibility of doing
anything about it because
you’re the victim here and don’t you feel sorry for me!!
Not only that, you look around for supporters because
misery is much better in a
group and then we can all point the finger at ‘them’ who
are ruining our lives!
Admittedly, you might feel good for a little while having
vented some emotion but
in the end this kind of behaviour only leaves you feeling
deflated and defeated.
Something else I know about people is that we ALL (and I
include myself here)
behave this way at some time to varying degrees. Not a
problem really – we are
HUMAN and not gods after all. What matters is whether you
are willing to take
responsibility for your behaviour and then take action to
change - if that’s what you
decide to do.
So if responsibility is about your ability to respond it
means deciding to DO
something differently in order to change yourself or your
circumstances. More often
than not it also means looking outside the box and going
beyond your comfort
zone. Some people thrive on this stuff; for the rest of us,
it can be very frustrating
because although we can see what the problem is and what is
required, we have no
idea how to do it or are just plain scared.
For years I have tried to find a soft option to solving
this quandary; unfortunately
all roads led me to the same conclusion: the only way to
change is to change!! That
means DOING something different. Whether it’s changing your
thoughts, taking up
meditation, reading a book, hiring a coach or mentor,
joining a support group,
doing a course, things will only change when you change
what you do. I learned
that the hard way.
The other thing I learned is that once you start, it’s not
hard at all, especially if you
have support. This week I invite you to think deeply about
the quote above and
where it applies in your life. Of course, don’t stop there:
then decide to DO
something about it.
Have an inspiring week!
Jenny
www.totaltransformationlifecoaching.com
E: coachjen@totaltransformationlifecoaching.com
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