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a2a Inspirations>
The biggest obstacle to our success
February 14, 2006
Greetings everyone and happy Valentine's Day to you all! I
am Jenny Mallos, guest writer while Linda is away on
holiday. Hope you enjoy this week's instalment.
‘Who I am is good enough, if I would only be it openly.’
Dr Carl Rogers
So many of my clients are in the place of figuring out what
they want for
themselves in their lives. It’s not that they are out of a
job, financially suffering or
even having relationship problems; in fact, they probably
rate ‘above average’ on
these issues. The question that seems to plague them is
‘WHY am I doing what I
am doing? And if this is not what I want to do, what is it
that I truly want?’
Having read many biographies and autobiographies of people
who have achieved
excellence in their field the one common theme is their
unwavering vision and
awareness of what it is they want – their purpose if you
like. But there is another,
perhaps more subtle quality these people also possess: and
that is their REFUSAL
TO BUY INTO OTHER PEOPLES’ OPINIONS of who they are.
Now this is an extremely important and potent ability
because our inability to
exercise this in our own lives is one of the main reasons
so many of us suffer. We
spend half our lifetimes listening to well-intentioned
adults, role models, parents
and authority figures who tell us who they think we are and
what we are capable of
until one day, some switch flips in our brains and we spend
the rest of our time
trying to undo it all!
It’s not that we haven’t SUCCEEDED in making the money,
getting the house,
having the holidays, creating a family, or achieving
anything else we might have
set out to accomplish; the problem is that we, who we are
as an individual, get lost
under layers of obligations, duty, ‘shoulds,’ ‘have tos,’
and doing what we think
we’re supposed to do with our lives. Against our better
sense of judgment, even
against the wishes of our own heart, we surrender our
wants, desires, dreams and
vision of who we are, adopting other peoples’ opinions too
readily. I believe nothing
is more toxic to your soul and to your sense of joy and
fulfillment.
So how to remedy this quandary? The answer is quite
paradoxical. It’s about being
your own person while not dismissing anyone else’s point of
view; it’s about making
your own choices while still being open to the lessons of
other peoples’ experiences.
My own experience in life and with my clients has shown me
that peeling away the
layers is an ongoing process. There is no quick fix or
answer because who we are is
a continual process of DISCOVERY and CREATION – it is not
an EVENT. I say
‘discovery’ because there are so many things we have
forgotten about ourselves;
and I say ‘creation’ because we can choose to be anything
we want.
A vital part of our success is knowing who we are and who
we want to be in the
world. Often there is a huge gap between who we think we
ought to be and who we
truly are at the core of our being. This week, I invite you
to start peeling away the
first layer by examining who you think you are and where
that came from; then
think about who you would really love to be and do just one
small thing that
expresses that quality. And remember, you can’t get this
wrong, so have fun!
Have an inspiring week!
Jenny
www.totaltransformationlifecoaching.com
E: coachjen@totaltransformationlifecoaching.com
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