ARTICLES

Self Awareness > The Blame Game
By Linda Anderson
May 28, 2010

Do you ever play the Blame Game?


The Blame Game works like this:
Step 1. Undesired event happens
Step 2. We find a person, object or situation to blame for undesired event
Step 3. We think we will feel better after assigning blame ... then we discover we still feel upset, angry or frustrated so we increase the blame.


It is very natural to want someone or something else to be the cause of the things we don't like in life. However, playing the Blame Game doesn't actually do us much good. We spend a whole lot of time projecting negative thoughts and feelings and we don't get a result that is any different! We still feel rotten at the end of it ...


What is the alternative?


The alternative is to acknowledge what responsibility we had in the situation, choose a constructive response or action and then just move on. I'm not suggesting that every undesired outcome in life is 100% your creation - not even close. However if we are honest with ourselves there is always a part (possibly very small part) that we did have responsibility for. Much more productive to focus on that than to vent our frustrations playing the Blame Game.


For example:
I can recall a weekend I was bitten by a dog and ended up with a big black bruise and some nice red teeth marks on my leg.
Step 1 - blame the dog! oh ... except that I actually trod on the dog so hardly surprising that it bit me
Step 2 - blame the owner! this was very tempting ... why did she let the dog lie in the middle of a crowded market walkway?
Step 3 - Still not feeling better ... blame the market organisers! Why do they allow stall owners to bring dogs to the market?
Step 4 - realise blaming isn't making me feel any better - leg still hurts and I am cranky!
Step 5 - Decide playing the Blame Game is a waste of energy. Accept responsibility for the fact that I did actually tread on the poor dog and decide to take a constructive action. Contact market organisers to let them know what happened and suggest that dogs really shouldn't be brought in by stall owners. What if it had been a child that had trodden on the dog?
Step 6 - Leg still hurts but I don't feel cranky anymore

Where are you currently playing the Blame Game?


Linda Anderson, Principal Coach of a2a coaching, dedicated to helping people live bold and rewarding lives. Linda has an energetic and direct style of coaching which suits people who like to be challenged. Linda is also the co-founder of Mums on the Go - a website created to support mothers to value themselves as much as they value their children.