ARTICLES

Communication > Effective Listening
By Linda Anderson
June 18, 2010

Very few people are effective listeners!

Note: hearing and listening are NOT the same things.

You know the feeling when you are talking to someone but you don't feel heard ... so you ask "what did I just say?" Then they actually repeat back the words you just said which is infuriating because you are SURE they were not listening!
It is true, they probably are not "listening" but they ARE hearing your words.

How often are you guilty of hearing people but not actually listening?

You are NOT LISTENING if:
• You are wondering what you will cook for dinner whilst someone else is talking
• You are having a running dialogue in your head about them whilst they are talking ... "that top looks terrible on them ... blah blah blah"
• You are already mentally planning your next statement or questions before they have finished what they want to say
• You are typing an email whilst having a phone conversation


"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." (Ralph Nichols)

So what steps can you take to listen more effectively?
• Slow down - there is no need to speak the minute someone else stops so let go of the need to already have your "answer"
• Be aware of your mental chatter - is there another conversation happening in your head? Let it go.
• Remove distraction - turn the mobile off, turn away from your computer, put down the washing you are folding etc
• Be 2nd - make the other person more important in the moment than you are ... while they are talking make them your first priority

Take the time to practice this week ... it makes your connections with people much more meaningful and rewarding.

 

Linda Anderson, Principal Coach of a2a coaching, dedicated to helping people live bold and rewarding lives. Linda has an energetic and direct style of coaching which suits people who like to be challenged. Linda is also the co-founder of Mums on the Go - a website created to support mothers to value themselves as much as they value their children.