ARTICLES

Creating Change > Commitment or Compliance?
By Deborah Kolb
August 17, 2010

If you were to stop and ask yourself “Am I living my life based on commitment or compliance?”,  what would the answer be?

How often do you think or say to yourself, “I should”? Or hear someone say to you,  “You should”?

How often do you rely on self-discipline and willpower to keep you on track?

When you are living your life based on compliance, your life is based on ‘shoulds’ - what you or others think you “should” think, say or do.  “Should’s” distract us from identifying and fulfilling our own needs, abilities, interests and personal goals.  When the focus is on ‘should’, you can easily lose touch with what YOU most deeply desire and value.

A life lived based on commitment, looks and feels totally different. When you are committed to something, you feel energized and inspired to take action & move forward.  

What are you committed to?

•    Find out what your core values are & what you most deeply desire.  Then make decisions and take actions designed to fulfill those core values & desires. Live your life on the basis of what is possible for you and what feels right to you, instead of what you ‘should’ do. 

•    Recognize and take care of your own needs and wants first. Put yourself at the top of your list. Change your perspective from that being ‘self-ish’ to being ‘Self-FULL’.

•    Identify what really fulfills you- not just immediate gratifications.  Respecting your deeper needs, combined with a desire and willingness to honor those needs, will help move you out of compliance and into commitment.

•    Set intentions and create visions for yourself and your life. Then work step-by-step to move yourself forward towards them. 

•    Expand your definition of perfection. Striving always for perfection (“Anything less than perfect is unacceptable”) invites stress and failure. Find out what is ‘perfect’ for you.

•    Treat yourself with compassion. Turn down the volume on your “Inner Critic” and talk to yourself in a positive and caring way.  When you notice that you are doubting or judging yourself, choose to help yourself, rather than hinder yourself by replacing those thoughts with self-accepting thoughts.

•    Find out what energizes and excites you and bring more of that into your life.  Use inspiration to move yourself forward.


Above all else, be patient with yourself and celebrate your wins and successes along the way. Change is a process. It takes time to create sustainable changes. Enjoy the journey.

 

Deborah Kolb is an Associate Coach with a2a coaching. Her full biography is available HERE

 
 
 
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